Ladies and Gentle-sea-creatures, today was an exciting day at the Waterlympics! I sat under referee Wilco the Whale and had a front-seat view of today's events. Throughout the day, he saluted the participants of note with a majestic wave of his tail (unfortunately leaving me covered in whale slime!). Here's my report.

• Sports fans, today was an exciting day for event finals! The Ledge Diving final started things off with a bang. Olivia the Octopus prevailed with an excellent loop dive off of the chasm ledge, while Phil the Flying Pig's flips got an honorable commendation.
• Phil recovered from that loss by turning in a record-setting run in Dolphin Jumping, driving his fans to a frenzy. Unfortunately, Cassie the Crab was disqualified for biting her ride.
• Scout the Seahorse turned in perfect scores with his water skating routine, elegantly skated to Debussy's "Le Mer". Fynn the Fish did perform the world's first Lutz-Flip-Salchow but tumbled shortly thereafter.
• Olivia the Octopus and Scout the Seahorse had their first meeting of the day in Coral Slalom. Scout raced to victory quite handily as Olivia's tentacles got caught up in the first slalom gates and she was disqualified.
• Phil the Flying Pig and "When Pigs Fly", a veteran blowfishball team, took a close win over "The Fighting Fish", led by season MVP Flo the Fish (Flo-tastic to her fans!). The fish delegation to my right looked crushed.
• How could Fran the Fish's record-setting volcanic luge run not earn her gold? When the volcano erupts! Cassie the Crab, the world record holder, was in the middle of her run and miraculously escaped injury.
• The Geyser Shoot was won by Olivia the Octopus yet again. She has not lost the event since the Waterlympics started. Phil the Flying Pig came in a surprising second for his freshman performance in the event.
• Referees ruled the photo-finish between Scout the Seahorse and Olivia the Octopus a tie, a historic first for Starfish Cycling. There was some controversy when Scout's starfish complained about an abusive ride.
• Olivia had her chance to tie things up with Scout as they competed in poolnastics. The event ended rather quickly when scandal ensued over Scout's pommel log score. The arena had to be evacuated when the audience octopi squirted the field with black ink.

As I got up to leave, Olivia who had been sitting directly behind me throughout the competition, slithered 5 feet to her right and climbed on top of a rock. Something about her smirk led me to wonder whether she hadn't orchestrated the squid rebellion...